


Gellert's Cracktastic Visions

by AlbusGellertAlways



Series: Grindeldore Oneshots [18]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, GGAD - Freeform, Good Albus Dumbledore, Good Gellert Grindelwald, Grindeldore, Humor, M/M, Prophetic Visions, Summer 1899, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-03-26 15:32:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbusGellertAlways/pseuds/AlbusGellertAlways
Summary: Crackfic.  Gellert has visions of Albus when he is older, as well as visions of himself.  Shenanigans ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Litsetaure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Litsetaure/gifts).



> So I'll update this when I'm drawing a blank on Closer Than Brothers. I am open to other suggestions for future chapters if you want to leave one. They just have to be funny.

Disclaimer:  JKR owns them.  Lucky her!

 

.~.

Gellert’s Cracktastic Visions 

.~.

“Ahhhhhh!”

Seventeen year-old Albus shot up in bed, turning over to find his lover shaking next to him.  “Did you have another vision?”

“Y-yeah.” Gellert replied, wiping the sweat from his brow and pushing back his blonde curls that had fallen in front of his face.  “It’s always very disorienting.”

“Did anyone die this time?” Albus asked quietly as he pulled Gellert close in an effort to calm him down, enjoying the feeling of Gellert’s bare chest against his own.  “Did you See another war?”

“No, nothing like that,” Gellert assured him, resting his head on Albus’ shoulder as his heart rate started to return to normal.  “This one was rather tame.”

“Thank Merlin for that,” said Albus, relieved that this vision hadn’t put Gellert into a catatonic state.  When that happened, it could take hours to calm Gellert down.  “Can you tell me what happened?”

Gellert nodded.  “I saw you when you were really old.”

Albus pulled away a bit so he could stare at Gellert.  “Really?  How did you know it was me?”

“Your eyes stayed the same crystal blue.  And a much more telling sign - you were wearing purple robes.”  Gellert gave him a wicked grin.

Albus blushed.  “Oh.  And?”

Gellert continued on.  “You were the Headmaster of Hogwarts.  Quite impressive, darling.”

Albus raised an eyebrow.  “I have no plans to teach.  Very doubtful.”

“The tri-wizard tournament was reinstated and held at Hogwarts,” said Gellert.  “I saw the Goblet of Fire – it was glowing with blue flames and everything.”

“Extremely doubtful,” said Albus with a frown.  “That girl from Beauxbatons died in the tournament only five years ago.  Anything else you remember?”

“There was this young kid named Harry wearing Gryffindor robes.”  Gellert shook his head.  “You asked him if he put his name in the Goblet of Fire, except you were yelling.  Let me demonstrate.”  Gellert cleared his throat and belted out, “HARRY, DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIY-AH?”

Albus glared at him.  “I did not!”

“You did,” Gellert swore, hiding a smile.  “It was extremely out of character for you.  You scared that poor kid to death.”

“Not all of your visions come true,” said Albus. 

“That’s true,” Gellert allowed.  “But this one was very specific and those usually do come true.   I wonder if this means that you turn into an angry old man?”

Albus looked insulted.  “Maybe I was just having a bad day?  Or maybe you’re making this up to get a rise out of me.”

“I wouldn’t lie about my visions.  Cross my heart,” said Gellert. 

“Fine,” Albus sighed.  “So do you think I am doomed to become an ornery old man?”

“Not necessarily,” said Gellert.  “Perhaps now that you know, you can take steps to prevent it.”

“Perhaps,” Albus considered.  “I hope you’re there with me, in this hypothetical future.”

“Me too,” said Gellert.  Then his eyes took on a mischievous tint. “Maybe the reason you were so angry was that you were sexually frustrated, as I was denying you the pleasure.”

“Ewww!” Albus shuddered.  “Old people don’t have sex, Gell.  Everyone knows that.  Old people are only wise and asexual.”

“You keep on thinking that, love,” said Gellert, shaking his head.

“Or maybe I yelled was because I was on a diet and it made me grumpy,” Albus considered.  “Oh _no_!  What if I wasn’t allowed to eat sweets when I’m old?”  He turned to Gellert with a horrified expression and grabbed his hands.  “Gell, promise me this won’t be my future!”

“No sweets - sounds like a fate worse than death,” Gellert said dryly. 

“Or perhaps it was because I had a horrible condition!”  Albus shuddered.  “What if I had terminal flatulence?”

“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there,” said Gellert, sounding a bit disturbed.  “Albus?”

“Yes?”

“Can we go back to sleep now?”

“Yes, but I don’t understand why I yelled at some kid, especially if I was his teacher.”  Albus looked troubled.  “I always thought if I lived to be an old man I would be calm and even-tempered.”

“Perhaps it should remain a mystery,” Gellert said with a yawn.  “Come lay back down with me.”

“Alright, darling.”  Albus relented and curled around Gellert.  “Thank you for sharing your vision with me.”

“I always will,” Gellert promised. 

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, both dreaming of a future where they would be free to love openly and conquer the world together, one way or another.

.~.

The End


	2. The Second Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gellert has a vision that he films a muggle commercial. (Based off Johnny Depp's men's perfume commercial. I saw it at the gym yesterday and was like, 'GELLERT, WHAT HAPPENED?')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just poking fun, I love Johnny as Gellert.

The Second Vision

.~.

Once again, Albus spent the night with Gellert in his room in Bathilda Bagshot’s home.  And once again, Gellert woke him up in the middle of the night.

“Noooo!”  Gellert cried, shaking as he relived a repeat performance of the previous night.

Disoriented by the noise, Albus cast a quick 'lumos' to reveal a shaking Gellert beside him.  “Gell?  You alright?” 

“Albus, I had another vision.” Gellert whimpered and hid under the covers.  “It was horrible.”  
  
“Oh no!”  Albus worried, slowly coaxing Gellert out of his hiding place.   Albus removed the covers to find Gellert’s face stained with tears that he gently wiped away.  “What happened? Did someone die? Did someone find out about my sister?"  
  
“No, nothing as dire as that,” Gellert admitted.  
  
Albus let out a sigh of relief.  “Then what? Was it about me again?”  
  
“No, this time it was about me,” said Gellert.  
  
“Ah, turnabout is fair play,” said Albus, glad it was Gellert’s turn this time.  “So?  What was your vision about?”   
  
Gellert winced as he rubbed at his temples.  “There was a lot to this one.  At first, it was all jumbled up and it didn’t make sense.  But there’s one very clear thing that stood out.  Albus, in this vision… I think I was a _muggle_!”  
  
“The horror!” Albus clutched his chest, half being serious, half mocking his boyfriend.  
  
“Yes.  I had no wand and no powers – I was completely defenseless.”  Gellert shuddered.  “Also, I had short brown hair, which means my beautiful golden curls were gone.”  
  
“Noooooooooooooo!” Albus sobbed. “NOT YOUR CURLS!  Are you sure this was a vision? It sounds like a nightmare.”

“I’m sure.  My third eye hurts, that’s how I can tell.”  Gellert touched the center of his forehead, which was throbbing.

Albus was still stuck on the curls.  “So if you didn’t have your curls, were you the same age you are now?”  
  
Gellert shook his head.  “I’m a lot older, perhaps in my mid-fifties.  It felt like I was advertising something. Me, in _sales_! As if I would ever stoop so low.”  
  
Albus patted his hand in sympathy. “What were you advertising?”  
  
"I can't say it out loud," Gellert moaned. "It's too embarrassing."

“Impotence potions?”

“Worse.”  
  
"Sex toys?"  
  
"Even worse!”  Gellert couldn’t speak properly so he whispered it in Albus’ ear.   “Men's perfume."  
  
"You're kidding!" Albus gasped, his hand flying to his mouth in shock.  "You're right, that IS embarrassing.  I'll never let you forget it as long as you live."  
  
"Please don’t,” Gellert wailed.  "A _muggle_ salesman, Albus!  I literally can't think of anything worse for someone of my abilities and talents. Parading myself around like that.  For shame!  Don’t leave me on account of this vision."  
  
"Of course I’m not leaving you.  I said that we would be together forever, remember?”  Albus kissed him gently before returning to the subject at hand.  “Now, in this vision, do you know what happened that made you choose this path to go into muggle sales? Were you destitute and you had no other choice?"  
  
"I don't think so," Gellert sniffled. "Actually I got the feeling that I was extremely wealthy."  
  
Albus frowned.  "So why were you advertising this.... men's perfume?"  
  
"I don't knowwwwww," Gellert howled, beginning to tremble.   “DON’T JUDGE ME!”

“Calm down, love,” Albus soothed even as he hid a smile and took Gellert into his arms.  “Is there anything else you remember?”

“Yes, I was playing a guitar, but it wasn’t a regular guitar. It had muggle enhancements and it was extremely loud and the music was discordant and unrefined.”  Gellert shuddered.  “Definitely not to my personal tastes.”

Albus, who had a penchant for chamber music, was disturbed.  “What else?”

“I was wearing these dark shaded glasses… I looked absolutely ridiculous but I feel like they were supposed to add to my sex appeal.”

“Interesting,” said Albus, now wondering what Gellert would look like wearing his glasses.  When this was over perhaps he could ask Gellert to wear them and nothing else when they… 

“And earrings, I had multiple silver hoop earrings,” said Gellert, bringing Albus’ attention back to the present.   “And I was wearing gobs of black eyeliner.  I got the sense that I was trying to appear to look younger.”

Albus was rather intrigued by the eyeliner but didn’t voice that opinion at the moment.  “What else?”

Gellert winced.  “You’re not going to like this, but… I had facial hair.”

“Ewwww!”  Albus shrieked as his arms flailed around in a gay panic.  “I don’t want you to look old.  You’re only sixteen!”

“I’m not planning on growing facial hair anytime soon,” Gellert had to reassure his boyfriend.

Albus narrowed his eyes at Gellert.  “What kind of facial hair did you have?”

Gellert nervously gulped.  “Er, well… the vision got hazy and-”

Albus glared at him.  “What.  Kind.”

“A mustache.  And this weird little goatee thing.”

Albus shuddered.  “This vision is the _worst_.  Anything else you remember?”

Gellert closed his eyes, trying to recall the vision.  “I was in the desert driving a… horseless carriage, one of those awful newfangled muggle contraptions that spew black fumes everywhere.”  He opened his eyes and shuddered.  “I couldn’t apparate properly.  Driving a muggle vehicle… for shame.”

Albus was trying to rationalize this situation that Gellert was giving him.  “How can you drive in a desert?”

“There was a road in the middle of the desert with white dotted lines,” said Gellert.

“A road in the desert.  I don’t think this can get any weirder,” said Albus, but he was wrong.

“Think again,” said Gellert.   “Then I get a shovel out of the boot of the horseless carriage and I start randomly digging holes in the desert.”

Albus frowned.  “Holes?  You didn’t run into anyone named Stanley Yelnats, did you?”

“No,” said Gellert.  “But then I saw a fox.”

“Fawkes was there?”  Albus smiled, thinking of the baby phoenix that he had recently adopted who hated Gellert with a passion.   

“No, _a_ fox,” Gellert corrected.   “Then I took off the necklace I was wearing and buried it in the sand.”  Gellert’s eyes grew wide as he realized something.  “WHAT IF IT WAS OUR PENDANT?!  And I buried it in the desert, like it was nothing?  My never-ending symbol of love for you that holds our mingling drops of blood encased for all time!” 

Albus rolled his eyes.  “Stop being so dramatic.  I doubt it was our pendant.  Anything else?”

Gellert tried to remember the rest but it was fuzzy.  “I muttered something about magic, which is very ironic if you think about it.  And that’s all I remember.”

Albus furrowed his brow.  “Help me out here, Gell.   What does _any_ of this have to do with men’s perfume?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Gellert confessed.  “My best guess is they were trying to use my sexy voice and old man sex appeal to sell the product.”

“Your mid-fifties isn’t old,” Albus corrected him.  “Now, 115, that’s old.”

“Like either of us is going to live that long,” scoffed Gellert.  “What do you think this vision means?”

“Gellert, I wouldn’t worry about it,” said Albus with a shrug.  “It seems harmless enough.  I don’t think you can make any sense out of all that.”

 “Yes, but what does this say about the future of the muggles if they automatically associate these random events and the hot older me in the desert with men’s perfume, so much that they’ll buy it?” Gellert asked.

“It says that they can’t think for themselves.  So no surprise there,” said Albus.

Gellert chuckled.  “You always know how to cheer me up, darling.  I suppose we should go back to sleep now.”

“We should,” said Albus with a yawn.  “Goodnight, Gell.  I love you.”

“I love you too,” said Gellert, grasping the pendant that hung around Albus’ neck and gently kissing it before tucking it safely underneath Albus’ white nightshirt.   “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, not sorry. I HAD TO! Let me know if you thought it was funny and if I should continue these.


End file.
